If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
