If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Randomize
