i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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