Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
His hands were made for my vagina.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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