he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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