I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
