He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
