I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
