mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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