Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
