Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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