we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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