i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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