his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
