grandma shit on top of the toilet
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
