I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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