How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
