And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
