uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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