But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i just had sex bonerless
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
