it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
