I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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