i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
