I want to make a zoo with you.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Randomize
