Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
