You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Randomize
