ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
