Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
