You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
