I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
