oh god the rape fog is back!
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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