I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
