thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
