This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
