I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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