no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
