ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
