i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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