Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
