Non-Jews are for practice
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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