Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
