Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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