Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
