Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Randomize
