it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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