Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
3pm strippers are depressing
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
