So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
