I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
