if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
