at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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