The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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