You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
