we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
