The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
