He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i think i have two assholes
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
