So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
